Many folks approach me now with questions about how long until we leave. The answer is usually followed by their enthusiastic assurance that I'm going to have just a Wonderful Time and So Much Fun. I'm starting to feel like a static object for their projections, when I'm actually on a roller coaster of emotions as departure nears.
Two weeks ago I felt frightened, frustrated, and furious that I'm the only one in our group with no bike touring-and-camping experience on which to base a visualization of my needs and what I should bring. Today I've been feeling sad that I'm leaving home, friends, job, familiar roles and routines that I like. Lurking deep are tears of gratitude and joy for the opportunity to realize a lifelong dream. Who knows what I'll feel tomorrow?
What is clear to me is that people close to me need assurance that I'll share my experiences with them, that I will keep in touch, and that I will return. Perhaps they want support in considering the idea that they, too, might take a risk someday to make a dream come true. What I appreciate most are those who ask how I'm feeling and leave room for the answer, instead of shoveling on more 'S Wonderful stuff that buries the real Margaret.
Maybe I will have a jolly good time. I hope so!
Yup.
ReplyDeleteI'm experiencing a kind of "desperate" gratitude for things I'll be happy to return to: my comfy bed and pillow, the garden, playing violin, a refrigerator, shower with warm water whenever I want, mosquito-free living...luxurious life I'm willing to give up in exchange for an experience I can't quite fathom yet.
~ Carol
Desperate gratitude might be a good attitude to keep toward life in general. I like that term. So grateful to have you sharing this adventure!
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